Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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