You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
The Olympian is in my bed
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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