All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize
