i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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