Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
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