i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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