u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
