she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
