Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
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