i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
