I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Randomize
