i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I think my moral compass just broke
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