He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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