We won't sleep together?
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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