No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
