i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
