i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
