I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
