$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
