this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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