please come you make the beer taste better
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
