Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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