Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
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In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
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