Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
