I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
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Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
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If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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