They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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