i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
