He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
