how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
