i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Randomize
