Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
