So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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