so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
You ever have a fart follow you around?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
