I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
you would pick up someone in the library
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
