is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
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so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
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Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
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