Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
