u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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