I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
