I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
