no, he came in my armpit
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
