Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
