ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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