A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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