You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
