operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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