Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Randomize
