my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize