I seem to have left my pride at pride
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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