Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
