don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
