Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
There's even glitter on my cock...
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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