he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
