I don't remember. Are we still dating?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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