I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
