She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
