i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I did not marry a roomba.
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