Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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