Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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