planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize