I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Randomize
