Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
