A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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