It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize