Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
