Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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