It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
