i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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