I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i just had sex bonerless
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
